


A Series of Unfortunate Events

by misspandalily



Series: to be a dreamer [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, AU in which neji is the media, F/M, NejiTen - Freeform, childhood best friends, corporate-ish, romance from young to old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 12:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10513467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misspandalily/pseuds/misspandalily
Summary: Because he hasn't been hiding away in his office for months on end to avoid his best friend and her boyfriend at all, nope. AU





	

"You asswipe!"

Neji elegantly releases his hold on the intercom button, massages his forehead, then presses down again. "Send her in, Naruto."

His secretary opens the office door moments later and impatiently ushers in a tall woman wearing striped, rainbow pants and a simple black T-shirt. "Morning, sunshine. You look ridiculous, as usual. Who even wears suits these days?" Plopping herself onto his table, she closes his laptop lid and fixates a glare onto him.

"Tenten, you look lovely today. How may I help you?" He greets her sarcastically, while waving Naruto out of the room. The door shuts behind him.

"I thought you were going to take our deal seriously, Hyuga."

"Deal?" Neji replies innocently, "I was under the impression that you were forcing me into doing this."

She nods. "That is true, but I was also under the impression that we were _friends. Friends_ help each other out." Tenten eyes his bowl of mints before grabbing a few and popping them into her mouth.

"We are friends," he clarifies, "Which is why I refuse to be your 'fake boyfriend' when you already have one to show off to your mother. Besides, hasn't she known me since high school?"

"Yes. Well," she looks out the windows of his office and bites her bottom lip contemplatively, "that could work, if I still had a boyfriend."

He reopens his laptop lid, feigning disinterest. Ironically, running Konoha's biggest news corporation does not keep you in the loop about your friends' drama. Then again, he'd been absentminded and sadly ignorant with regards to Tenten's life _ever since_ she started dating Gaara. "Oh?"

"We broke up. He was too busy with Sabaku Corps, and I just realised there was more to life than dating a guy who was only fifty-percent there."

"I thought Temari was Sabaku Corps' leader?"

Tenten waves off his question. "No, no. She started her own business - didn't want to rely on her dad for the rest of her life."

"Hn, interesting." He opens a Word document before turning to look at Tenten again. Sighing, "I honestly don't see why you need me to go with you. You could just as easily take Ino, or even Sakura; the invitation only outlines 'plus ones', not dates."

"And you publish newspapers, but ANBU Magazine already takes up some of the shelving space." She fires back, "they already have dates."

He rubs his temples. "You don't need me, Tenten. You're successful in your own right; it's not like your mother will suffer in Hell if you go alone."

"She won't," Tenten replies agreeably, "but my main point is that you still made a promise to come with me. Date or no date, we're still friends, and Naruto told me you've barely stepped out of your office in months unless it was for work."

"Nonsense. How else would I have slept and ate?"

She smirks, walks over to his bookshelf and pulls out a book with distressed pages. The shelves slide open to reveal a single bed and a fridge stocked with food and water.

"Okay," he admits, "that does explain the spike in sales as of late."

Tenten rolls her eyes. "Let's go, loser."

* * *

It takes a trip down memory lane for him to find his apartment again - yes, he has been living in his office for the past two months. _Yes, Tenten, I genuinely have forgotten my way home_ \- and a lot of arguing on his part to find a suit that's more fundraiser-appropriate than it is work-appropriate, and he eventually finds himself clad in the black suit with white trimmings that Tenten bought for him earlier that same morning.

"You realise that you just wasted all of our time, right? Why didn't you just give me this suit from the beginning?" He grumpily fixes on the striped black and white tie that Tenten _also_ bought him, while smoothing down his hair into a low ponytail.

"Because," she shouts back from his bathroom, "I was hoping that you'd have at least one stylish suit in your closet, but clearly I was wrong. You owe me for this!" Tenten steps out with a pleased grin, and Neji clamps his jaw shut instead of retorting.

He's known this girl since they were pimply teenagers fighting over the last spaghetti bowl in the canteen, and then through the years of studying business (journalism, on his part) together at university, and he's only seen her dressed extravagantly a handful of times. Personally, Neji likes Tenten even when she's hugging her plush pillows in her old sweatpants and oversized jumpers, and even when seeing her sobbing over an ex breaks his heart into a million pieces, but - wow.

"You look nice," he forces out, and looks away. She swishes over to him in her long red skirts and kneels down to face him. Her hair is down, for the first time in years; it trails down her back and frames her face in a way that makes her look like an ethereal fairy.

Tenten smiles. "You don't look half bad yourself." She grabs a brush and repurposes his hair into a high pony tail, and he tries not to shiver when her hands run through his hair. "Better. You ready?"

Neji nods, trying to ignore the fact that _wow, he looks like a lot like Hanabi_ , before walking to his front door. "I'll drive."

"No," she politely declines his offer and steps across the threshold cheerfully, "I will."

Tenten drives like a maniac.

Neji grips the edges of his seat when she lowers her car hood and steps on the acceleration peddle immediately after the car starts. She zooms down the streets with her hair flying behind her in chocolate brown ribbons that reflect the sunlight and make her face shimmer brilliantly.

"I think you should slow down!" Neji yells at the top of his voice.

"What?" She shouts back, slamming down on her brakes and almost sending them flying forward. Thank you, seat belts. "What did you say?"

Neji sweeps the ponytail hair out of his face and glares at her. "Slow down." She grins impishly, and steps on the pedals as soon as the lights turn green. "Fuck's sake."

They arrive at the Hokage Ballroom in five minutes flat, approximately twenty minutes _faster_ than the estimated time, and he wants to hurl as soon as she pulls her vehicle into a parking spot.

"Open your eyes, Neji, we're here."

He breathes in, slowly prying his own eyes open and then exhales. "Next time, I drive."

"No thanks, you drive like an old man."

"I drive like a _human being_ , Tenten."

"Sure," she replies absentmindedly, pulling the hood over her car and brushing down her hair. "How do I look?"

"Normal," he leaps out of the front seat and holds out an arm without looking at her. Tenten takes it gracefully.

"Tenten." Neji feels Tenten freeze beside him, and looks up in concern.

"Gaara," she starts off shakily, and then composes herself, "You look well."

"I am, thank you for asking."

"She didn't." Tenten shoots Neji a quizzical look, and Gaara only then seems to notice Neji's presence.

"Hyuga Neji. I am pleased to finally meet you."

He sees Naruto talk to other men with an arm wrapped protectively around Hinata on a daily basis, and surmises that the action makes his cousin appear weak and feeble. So he leaves his arm at his side with Tenten's arms wrapped around it, and makes no motion to change it's position. Tenten can handle adversity; he'll only be there to offer help should she need it.

He tilts his head down in greeting. "Gaara no Sabaku. I've heard wonders about your company recently. Congratulations."

A ghost of a smile flickers across the redhead's face. "The most knowledgable man in Konoha, indeed. I predict we'll be doing plenty of business with each other in the future." Gaara hands him his business card. "Keep in touch." Neji thanks him, and only pockets the card in his blazer when Tenten gives his hand a reassuring pat.

Then, "Tenten, may I speak to you in private?" Gaara's gaze refocuses onto Tenten, who purses her lips and shrugs nonchalantly.

"If you must." She releases her hold on Neji's arm ("Wait for me inside.") which he notes suddenly feels considerably less restricted, and crosses her arms over her chest. "We will speak here." Tenten enunciates every word pointedly before Neji nods and opens the doors leading into the Ballroom.

It's predictably grand inside, with gilded trimmings and clean white tablecloths immaculately spread onto the tables. Neji takes little notice of it, but charges directly towards Naruto, who has his arm wrapped around Hinata (again).

"How long do I have to be here for?"

"Three hours." The blonde man gives him a sour look. "You're supposed to be the 'most knowledgeable man in all of Konoha'! Why are you so bad at knowing what's going on in your life?"

Neji ignores him in favour of Tenten's entrance. Her cheeks aren't tear-stained and her eyelids are far from red and puffy, so he momentarily lets out a sigh of relief, and then stops in his tracks when her mother greets her.

Naruto and Hinata follow his line of sight. "You should go over there, Neji."

He grabs a glass of champagne from the passing tray before gulping down half it's contents. "I should," and downs the rest.

"May I take that for you, sir?"

"Thank you."

Mrs Kobayashi is standing in front of him within seconds. "Neji, darling, it's been so long!"

Oh _no_.

He gulps. "It has. How have you been?"

"Well, sweetheart! Now," she grabs a glass of wine from another passing tray and downs it in one go. He inwardly hopes that she'll navigate around the Topic of him and Tenten's absolutely _fake relationship_ so that he'll have enough time to duck away should he need to. Kami, it's been so long since he went outside. "Enough about me. How long have you been dating Tenten?"

Straight to the point it is, then.

Neji chances a look at the very same woman, who's standing behind her mother and frantically waving about two fingers while shooting daggers at him with her eyes. "Two months," he replies easily. Both women grin at him.

"Marvellous. Now," she returns her glass back to the tray, "How long are you two planning on faking this for?"

"What?" Tenten gawks at her mother. "What are you talking about, Mama?" She loops her arm around Neji's for the second time that night; he feels a slight blush rising in his cheeks. Her mother smirks. Just smirks, in a way that lets them both know that _she can't be deceived by two amateurs_.

It takes a moment for Neji to remember that Tenten's mother is the Emperor Palpatine of all business mogul wives, in the sense that she dominates upper-end Konoha with an iron fist. Neji's never doubted that when someone gets on the Kobayashi matriarch's bad side, she'll press a red button underneath her desk labelled 'Destroy', pinpoint their exact location and annex their home to Kobayashi Industries. Probably.

Then, there are those times when Neji does think she's as evil as Palpatine himself, like when she made him do his _homework_ at Tenten's house on _Uno_ night (as if he didn't get enough _home_ homework from Hiashi), and when Tenten came to school with tubs of her infamous curry after he'd brought over his then-girlfriend Kin for lunch. Neji painfully realises and remembers how difficult it is to fool Tenten's mother.

Sensing that his resolve is rapidly dissolving, Tenten catches his elbow before he falls to the ground and prostrates himself in front of her mother to beg for mercy.

It's not that he's mentally incapable of overcoming adversity - he runs the biggest newspaper corporation in the Land of Fire, for Kami's sake. It's just that he would rather face his Uncle Hiashi after, say, throwing a day-long sex party at the Hyuga mansion, and deal with the punishment, and then some. _He would honestly rather that_ than go up against Tenten's mother, even when she's only mildly sceptical.

"Mama," she speaks up, "Please."

"Tenten. If you didn't want to tell me who your boyfriend was, then you needn't lie. I have all the time in the world to meet Gaara no Sabaku - don't you worry."

"Yes?"

Neji pulls at his collar nervously, already sensing an imminent panic attack coming along. Why, Gaara, why.

"You must be Gaara," Mrs Kobayashi gushes, "I am pleased to finally meet the man who's made my Tenten so happy."

"Mama."

"Well-" Gaara starts off, beginning to look awkward and mildly unnerved by her gaze. Neji almost feels sympathetic for the other man, having been on the receiving end of her scrutiny for years beforehand, but stops because this _is_ the man who's dated his long-time crush. Not that anyone ever knew, save for Hinata. "It's just that-"

He swips another glass of red wine from a passing tray and gulps down half the goblet. "If I may interject," Neji begins loudly to catch their attention, "I suggest taking this conversation to a separate room, where none of my men will be circulating around us for a front-cover story on The Scandals of Konoha."

The Kobayashi women simultaneously draw in deep breaths. "So be it."

* * *

"I can't believe this! Why would you lie to me about something like this, Tenten?"

"Because I knew you would react like this!"

Neji sits back on a side bench with Gaara; they both watch the scene unfold uneasily. Honestly, he feels like he should be the one coming to Tenten's defence, but his justification is that they're both strong, independent women who would rather commit seppuku than allow someone as clueless as him to solve their own internal problems, and also that he's terribly ill-equipped to handle drama after an extended period of absence from 'having a life', as Naruto so aptly puts it.

"For the most knowledgeable man in all of Konoha, you seem to be strangely...absent-minded." He hears Gaara initiate a conversation tactfully, and the words flow out of his other ear before swerving back in again like a boomerang on speed. _Absent-minded?_ Gaara leans closer to Neji, unaware of the inner turmoil that Neji is experiencing.

"Why do people keep telling me that?" Neji responds, genuinely curious.

Gaara chuckles just as Tenten and her mother stop arguing and hug each other tenderly before sitting down on a table. They both let out a sigh of relief. "I love her," his green eyes are fixated on Tenten, "Deeply."

The Hyuga man stiffens, for the hundredth time that night. He does _not_ like where this conversation is heading. Aren't they already broken up? Split up? Dined and dashed?

He seems to be a man of _extremely_ few words, fewer than Sasuke Uchiha, his business partner, because that's all he says for a long time.

Neji muses that if someone is more silent and brooding than the infamous Uchiha grump himself, he really should sort out the problems on his plate. _You're the one who had a separate living space built into the wall behind your bookshelf, loser._ He recalls the condescending words that Naruto reiterated to him a few nights before, and realises that Naruto is getting away with far too much for an employee. Goodness, how long has he been out of it?

Coming back to the present, Neji realises that Gaara is _still_ looking at Tenten with _those eyes_ and clears his throat. "Then why break up with her?"

"She dumped me." He said flatly. Silence.

"Oh."

"For _you_."

More silence.

" _Oh._ "

Gaara rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "At least I can live with the knowledge that you'll never break her heart. Don't give me that look; I know you love her, too." Red hair starts to walk away from Neji, while Neji tries to take in this new information. He...loves Tenten? How does he not know this? Gaara laughs when he looks back and glances at Neji. "Keep in touch, Hyuga."

* * *

Neji drives Tenten home in Tenten's car on the way back from the Fundraiser, because he honestly cannot handle another figurative heart attack for today. His first outing into the Real World in months proved almost life-threatening, from the stylish white outfit to Tenten's lawless driving, then to Tenten and Tenten's mother's arguments, and Gaara's confession. The rest of the night had passed by like a blur after they finished arguing, and Neji only remembers distinct segments of it, most of which comprise of Gaara sending him knowing looks.

He grips the steering wheel harder than usual, clenches his teeth, then pulls out his hair-tie recklessly. Screw all of this. Screw all of his emotional sensitivity. Screw it all. He stomps on the acceleration the moment the traffic lights turn green and races down the road at the maximum speed limit. Of _course_ , he's not as refined as Tenten is when it comes to this, and eventually a police car's sirens start wailing from behind them. Neji ignores it, keeps the acceleration going until Tenten, with her whoops of delight and encouragement, starts to look frightened. He's tempted to keep going, for the fun of it, and because _wow_ , he sees why people drive at light-speed now, and almost does until the engine starts to falter and the 'Low Fuel' light flashes, red and angry. Cursing, he pulls up to the curb and rolls down the window, refusing to look at Tenten.

"Yes, officer?"

"What the hell- Hyuga?"

It's Sasuke, for some odd reason.

"Oh, thank god. You're on your family shift tonight," Neji looks up at his friend, who's decked out in police uniform with a taser at his side and a frown marring his features. "I'll be going now."

"No, I'm still taking you into the station." Sasuke spots Tenten inside the car, and waves. "Hello, Tenten. Care to tell me what the hell happened to Neji _stick-up-my-ass_ Hyuga, to make him drive _three times over the speed limit and almost crash into several cars_?"

She shrugs, masking the concerned look she'd been throwing at Neji beforehand. "Guinness World Record?"

The Uchiha slides a hand down his face in frustration. "I'm taking you two in."

They arrive at the Uchiha Police Department, after a tense ride where Sasuke controlled the wheel of Tenten's vehicle while Neji sat cooped up in the police car's back cabin, just because Sasuke felt like punishing him for leading him on a wild goose chase around the city. Neji's pulled out by none other than his friend moments later, and is led into the Department with his hands cuffed behind his back. Sitting on a cold chair beside Tenten, he patiently waits for Sasuke's jurisdiction.

Meanwhile, Tenten leans forward to face him. "Neji," she searches his gaze with her own chocolate one, "what's wrong?" He turns his head away from Tenten. He doesn't hate her or despise her for _potentially_ being in _love_ with him, but rather, doesn't know how he _should_ react to that news. How does one even go about telling their best friend that they're in love with them? "That was some reckless driving, Neji. Penny for your thoughts?" She prods him gently.

Thankfully, Sasuke returns looking grumpier than usual. "I was going to say," handing them both a mug of hot black tea, he sits down in front of them, "that the press would be having a field day tomorrow, but then I realised that you _are_ the press. Lucky you."

"Lucky me," he allows himself to let out a thin smile. Media scrutiny is trivial; it's Mrs Kobayashi that he's more anxious to hear from. Oh, and Uncle Hiashi too - maybe.

"Well, Tenten, your car will be suspended for eighteen months. I personally know that this isn't the first time that your car's been speeding around. Sakura raves about it every night. And Neji, your record has been relatively clean for now, so I'm hoping that...whatever this thing is...is a one-time thing." He hands Neji a slip of paper, with a six-hundred-dollar fine on its front.

"Noted," Tenten nods in faux-enthusiasm.

"Good," Sasuke gives them a _knowing_ , approving glance that Neji tries to interpret to no avail. "Now, get the fuck out."

They scramble out of the station, de-handcuffed, and face a single, harrowing fact: no car to go home. Neji shrugs, remembering that his office building is only a half-hour walk away. Go figure, it actually comes in handy.

"Where are you off to?"

Tenten runs after him, heels clicking loudly against the cement pavement. He inwardly cringes and keeps walking. "Neji, what the- OW!"

Neji swivels back just in time to see her fall to the ground in a heap. She's clutching her forehead, as though in agonising pain, and then he sees the metal lamppost not too far away from her. "Tenten!" He runs over and kneels down to check her for any other signs of damage. Seeing none, except for where her hand is clutching her head, he gently pries it away from her face.

There's a large, throbbing bump smack-bang in the middle of her forehead, which is starting to bleed through an incision in the middle. Neji anxiously flips back to the first-aid courses he took as a teenager, and then straightens out his face.

"Hey," he starts speaking to her in a gentle tone, "Tenten, look at my eyes." She looks up slowly, blinking away the tears pooling at her lids.

"They're pretty," she replies. He feels his heart leap.

"That is true," he nods in agreement, before helping her to her feet. "Let's take a nice walk down the neighbourhood." Neji makes sure to draw her attention away from the bump on her head by maintaining his eye contact and making sure she can still see the number of fingers he's holding up every now and then. The local hospital is a little closer to them, which he subconsciously acknowledges is awfully convenient. Then again, crime and hospitality do tend to go hand in hand, especially in those crime dramas Hanabi always watches when he visits the Mansion.

"Yay! I like walking!"

"Good, good! I like walking, too!"

Eventually, he manages to hold out the hospital's glass door for Tenten and nearly collapses when the emergency staff widen their eyes and stride over to Tenten briskly. "We'll take her," they nod at Neji, "take a seat, and drink some of the hot chocolate."

A little boy walks past them with his mother. "Look, Mamma, that lady has a big lump on her head!"

The effect is instantaneous. Tenten automatically touches the lump, directly in the middle where it's bleeding, and lets out a horrific curse. "HOLY GIRAFFE-SHIT. NEJI, WHAT THE HELL IS ON MY HEAD?" She immediately throws a wild look at Neji, who holds up his hands in a placating gesture. "I swear, if you-" The emergency ward staff heave her away, calling for reinforcements while Tenten continues to swear like a sailor. "NEJI!"

* * *

"She's resting, sir." A nurse, wiping the sweat off her forehead with her hand and looking more tired that she did when they first arrived, informs him of Tenten's state precisely one hour, forty-seven minutes and five seconds later. He looks up from his watch and slurps down the rest of his coffee. "You can visit Miss Kobayashi now."

"Thank you." Neji sets off to her ward at once.

She's lying on a cot, fast asleep, with her head bandaged expertly. Her snoring permeates throughout the entire room thunderously, and a pool of drool is becoming increasingly bigger by the second. He's forgotten how blaringly audible she could be when in a deep sleep, and smiles nostalgically. Settling himself into the chair next to her bed, he succumbs to his urge to straighten her bandage, refills her water jug and cup, also spreads her blankets so that each corner touches the corner of the mattress, and requests for two more pillows to sandwich her the way he knows she likes sleeping. Neji feels like a creep for catering so much to her, even when she's unconscious and baggy-eyed from the day's events.

Then, it hits him, like a tonne of bricks.

Feeling like a corny teen-romance figure, and, knowing that Tenten will probably remember none of this in the morning, he leans forward.

Neji feels ridiculous. What is he planning on achieving with this? Has he gone insane? Kissing her won't solve anything. He shakes his head, smiling ruefully. Neji starts to move back to his seat when a hand shoots out of the blankets and pulls him downwards. He bites back a scream when he realises that it's Tenten.

Their lips are inches apart now, and all of a sudden Neji is acutely aware of how close their lips are to each other, even in the dim light of the room.

"Uh, Tenten?"

"You're an idiot."

He doesn't know whether he should lean in closer or not, so remains suspended in mid-air. He feels a crick start to wriggle its way into his neck but remains perfectly still, breathing heavily. "I-"

Tenten leaves no room for him to talk, because the next second she's pulling him down and pressing their lips together. Neji breathes into it, relishing in the feeling of her lips finally touching his with careless abandon, her hands weaving into his long hair while sending shivers down his spine. They pull apart after he accidentally bumps his forehead into Tenten's; she hisses.

"I have a bloody bump the size of a tennis ball on my head, you dick-wad."

"Concussion?" He smiles down at her while stroking her cheek tenderly. For the first time in months, it finally reaches his eyes.

"That's what they told me," she grunts, playfully winking up at him. His lips descend again, this time nudging at hers lightly.

"Then, don't forget this."

"Never."


End file.
